Orlidy Inoa Lazala
A doubly (un)comfortable decision
Orlidy Inoa Lazala is a human rights lawyer and activist from the Dominican Republic and a member of the Latin American and Caribbean Committee for the Defense of Women’s Rights (CLADEM). In her poem, she reflects on the experience of a young woman who, without remorse, chooses to have an abortion—an act of courage and autonomy in a country where abortion remains highly criminalized.
Original
That I have the urge to do the same thing
That this time in a more invasive way
That I have no one to blame but myself
And that I am more resilient than I think
Que mi cuerpo se siente extraño ante los incipientes cambios
Algunas partes incómodamente hinchadasÂ
That time is running out
That the truth is, I’m scared
That the agreed-upon day has arrived
That I’m not alone, and it gives me a certain calm
That in this dark clandestine room, the risk overwhelms me
And that I am more resilient than I think
Que quien administra la morfina no tiene idea de lo que hace
Que me arriesgo a morir, y que lo sé
That suddenly I hear some voices
That I identify a mocking laughter from someone next to me
That everything happens quickly
That there’s nothing to ask, given the instructions
That a hint of sadness but also relief invades me
And that I am more resilient than I think
That the blood is galling, and extremely red, even if the pain mild
Que nadie sabe lo que ha pasado
Que ciertas sospechas y mi silencio enrarecen el ambiente
That all I want is to be left alone
That I don’t question myself whether it’s the right thing
That I haven’t asked for permission
That I know I won’t regret it
And that I am more resilient than I think
Que siempre ha estado claro que no quiero ser madreÂ
Que me enloquece la sola idea de que alguien dependa de mÃÂ
That I think it should always be a decision
That I’m willing to bear the weight of my own
That I’ve had that privilege
That many others simply won’t
That it is a matter of self-determination
That our bodies will always belong to us
And that we will remain resilient
English
That I have the urge to do the same thing
That this time in a more invasive way
That I have no one to blame but myself
And that I am more resilient than I think
My body feels strange during these early changes
Some parts uncomfortably swollen
That time is running out
That the truth is, I’m scared
That the agreed-upon day has arrived
That I’m not alone, and it gives me a certain calm
That in this dark clandestine room, the risk overwhelms me
And that I am more resilient than I think
That the person giving me morphine has no idea what they’re doing
That I am risking death, and I know it
That suddenly I hear some voices
That I identify a mocking laughter from someone next to me
That everything happens quickly
That there’s nothing to ask, given the instructions
That a hint of sadness but also relief invades me
And that I am more resilient than I think
That the blood is galling, and extremely red, even if the pain mild
That no one knows what has happened
That certain suspicions, and my silence, make the atmosphere tense
That all I want is to be left alone
That I don’t question myself whether it’s the right thing
That I haven’t asked for permission
That I know I won’t regret it
And that I am more resilient than I think
That it has always been clear that I don’t want to be a mother
That the mere idea of someone depending on me makes me feel unhinged
That I think it should always be a decision
That I’m willing to bear the weight of my own
That I’ve had that privilege
That many others simply won’t
That it is a matter of self-determination
That our bodies will always belong to us
And that we will remain resilient
In the Dominican Republic, there is a total ban on abortion, including cases that have been taken to court. The fight for the three exceptions (rape and incest, congenital malformations incompatible with life, and when the life of the mother is at risk) continues.
Together, we’ll keep moving forward.